By Lester Paquin

FRIDAY

Leave it to the folks at the Fitchburg Art Museum (185 Elm St.) to come up with another slightly-off-beat-and-thus-incredibly-interesting series of talks headlined Better Education Through Art: Space, Time and Culture. Don't let the somewhat dry title discourage you. When it comes to artifacts certain questions are asked — Where did it come from? How old is it? Who made it? — these are things archeologists wonder about, and they often come up with surprising answers. From the looting of antiquities (and the attendant courtroom drama) to their display in Fifth Avenue galleries, how an object comes out of the ground — and what happens to it after that — is important. Using museum objects, Director Peter Timms explores space, time and culture through the eyes of an archeologist. By the way, if your art object has a receipt signed "H. Goering" and is dated sometime between 1939 and 1945, you may want to stop by. For the dates and time of these talks, call the Fitchburg Art Museum at 978-345-4207 or visit http://www.fitchburgartmuseum.org/.

We always get a kick out of play summaries that start of with: "Set in [fill in name of bucolic retreat], a vacation house is rented for the month of August by mystery writer [fill in name of has-been author looking for just one more bestseller] and his/her assistant [fill in another name — always a lovely young lady who knows too much and understands too little], looking forward to a relaxing rest in the country." For one thing, no rest will be had. For another thing, someone's gonna die. Other someones will fall in love and/or exhaust themselves consummating relationships, while always managing to be perfectly coiffed and dressed for dinner. Treasure will be sought. Maybe found. Ghosts will appear. Fainting will occur. Some screaming, perhaps — from the women, too. Guns, knives, poison and treachery will be afoot. A body will be hidden in an odd place and flop into the conversation at just the wrong time (is there ever a right time for such floppage?). Pipes, smoking jackets, maids, butlers and pre-war English set decoration a must. Peignoirs will be worn. Actresses (and maybe some actors) who don't know what peignoirs are will wear them. Interested? The Gateway Players (Theatre Arts Barn, 111 Main St., Southbridge) are hoping so, as they present Exit the Body, a farce by funnyguy Fred Carmichael that reeks of Agatha Christie on the sauce. You gotta love a play with character names like Crane, Randolph, Vernon, Lillian and Lyle. For play dates, times and admission, call 508-764-4531 or visit This e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it And leave your peignoir at home.

SATURDAY

We don't normally plug liquor stores on this page, but that ought to give you some idea of how important this event is (and we're not plugging the store, just the event). Today, from 10 a.m. to 10 p.m., KJ Baaron's Wine and Spirits (220 Summer St.) is hosting an all-day fundraiser and wine-tasting to benefit the 10th annual Pet Rock Festival for the Animals. Pet Rock will receive 10% of each purchase of selected wines and beers, and festival organizers will be on hand to give away T-shirts and provide information about the festival (which takes place on Sunday, Sept. 14 at Quinsigamond Community College, 670 West Boylston St.). Pet Rock is the largest animal expo on the East Coast, promoting responsible pet ownership and the education of humans on a variety of animal-related issues — including adoption, health, cruelty and abuse (they're against those last two - and so are we). Festival proceeds benefit New England-based animal welfare organizations. Pet Rock is right up there with the Summer Nationals as a "destination Worcester" event, so lend your support.

One more thing: Don't forget to move your clocks forward ("spring ahead") by one hour tonight, for Daylight Savings Time. EST becomes EDT, and yes, you lose an hour of sleep (or whatever you do in the dark), but it's worth it — 'tis spring!

SUNDAY

Well, imagine that — Worcester's St. Patrick's Day Parade is actually happening before St. Patrick's Day this year, in a city that doesn't seem to know when St. Patrick's Day and the Fourth of July actually are (the latter being the only time that the taxpayer-funded, multi-million-dollar pavilion in East Park is ever allowed by the neighbors to be used). That, plus the fact that we can't set the date for our parade until Boston chooses theirs on the Sunday closest to "the day" (heaven forbid it worked the other way around). Since Boston's parade is on March 16, that gives us the green light to have ours today. Thank you, Boston! As usual, the parade starts at noon, running along Park Avenue from Mill Street to Highland Street. Lots of marching bands, floats, guys wearing kilts, skirling bagpipes, and general wearin' o' the green. Maybe some codpieces. 'Tis a fun time.

And speaking of fun — not to mention thoroughly uplifting, be sure to take in The Gospel Choir (formerly known as The Men of Belmont Street and active members of Worcester's AME Zion Church) as they wow the audience to day at 2 p.m. at today's Soul Food Sunday Performance at The Crescent Café (69 Canterbury St.), When not singing brilliantly, these eight men (Jack Brown, Earl Brown, Sam Bracey Jr., Douglas Geter, Ken Person, Gerald Price, Henry Walley and Melvin Veal) are educators, law enforcement officers, engineers and businessmen. Come enjoy inspirational gospel music and a delicious homemade Southern comfort dinner, all for $20 per person. For more information or to make a reservation, call 508-612-2264. Without a doubt, you will be inspired, entertained and invigorated — do you have something better to do? We think not. o